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Good feedback has several key qualities:

Timeliness:

Good feedback is timely and provided when it is most relevant. It is offered soon after the observed behaviour or performance, allowing the recipient to reflect on it while it is still fresh in their mind (not yours).

If it is or could be perceived as weaponised feedback it is not the right time! Weaponised feedback can be recognised by the emotion, body language and tone with which it is being delivered. If you are on the receiving end of this ask for a time out. If you are delivering challenging feedback, have you written it down and had your computer or someone else read or give it back to you, so that you can hear how it sounds?

Consider the 7 rights, right intention (your agenda), right time, right people, right place, right environment, right way, right outcome. It will also help you if you consider if it is really wanted by the recipient!

Specificity:

Good feedback is specific rather than vague. It provides clear and detailed information about what was done well or what needs improvement, making it actionable for the recipient.

Constructiveness:

Good feedback is constructive and focused on improvement rather than criticism. It offers suggestions, alternatives, or resources to help the recipient develop their skills or address areas of weakness. It is non-aggressive.

Balance:

Good feedback strikes a balance between positive and negative aspects. It acknowledges strengths and accomplishments while also addressing areas for development or improvement, providing a well-rounded perspective.

Contextualisation:

Good feedback takes into account the context and circumstances surrounding the observed behaviour or performance. It considers factors such as individual goals, expectations, and challenges, ensuring that the feedback is relevant and meaningful to the recipient.

Have you taken notes to avoid mistakes and assumptions that are simply not true?

Respectfulness:

Good feedback is delivered respectfully and considerately. It focuses on behaviours or outcomes rather than personal characteristics, avoiding judgment or criticism of the individual.

Two-way Communication:

Good feedback encourages dialogue and open communication between the giver and the recipient. It creates a supportive environment where both parties can engage in a constructive exchange of ideas, perspectives, and insights.

Goal-oriented:

Good feedback is aligned with the recipient's goals and objectives. It helps them progress towards their desired outcomes by providing guidance, support, and encouragement along the way.

Overall, good feedback is specific, constructive, timely, balanced, contextualised, respectful, conducive to two-way communication, and goal-oriented. It is designed to promote learning, growth, and development, empowering individuals to reach their full potential.

Painful times tend to create strong people

Whilst this is true, this should not be an excuse for being brutal.

Candid feedback can be very helpful if it is delivered using the 7 rights above and is it really wanted by the recipient?

All relationships have an investment account, your feedback may add or remove credit. This should be considered.

Is it true that not all feedback is good for us?

Yes, it is true that not all feedback is necessarily good for us. While feedback can be valuable for growth, learning, and improvement, it's important to recognise that not all feedback is constructive or beneficial.

Words are like bullets. You cannot take them back.

Here are a few reasons why some feedback may not be good for us:

Subjectivity:

Feedback is often subjective and influenced by the perspectives, biases, and agendas of the giver. As a result, feedback may not always accurately reflect our performance, behaviour or abilities.

Lack of Context or Understanding:

Sometimes, feedback may lack context or be based on a limited understanding of the situation or circumstances. Without a clear understanding of the context, feedback may be misinformed or misguided, leading to misunderstandings or misinterpretations.

Negative Impact on Self-Esteem:

Harsh or overly critical feedback can have a negative impact on our self-esteem and confidence. If feedback is delivered in a disrespectful or hurtful manner, it may undermine our motivation, morale, and sense of worth.

Unhelpful or Destructive Criticism:

Not all feedback is constructive or actionable. Destructive criticism, which focuses on fault-finding and blame rather than offering solutions or suggestions for improvement, can be demoralising and unproductive.

Mismatched Goals or Values:

Feedback may not always align with our goals, values, or aspirations. If feedback pushes us in a direction that is incongruent with our personal or professional objectives, it may not be beneficial for our growth or development.

Biased or Manipulative Intentions:

In some cases, feedback may be delivered with biased or manipulative intentions, such as undermining competition or exerting control. Feedback that is motivated by ulterior motives or hidden agendas may not serve our best interests.

Ignoring Individual Differences:

Feedback that fails to consider individual differences in personality, learning styles, or communication preferences may not resonate with us or be applicable to our unique circumstances.

While feedback can be valuable for self-awareness and growth, it's essential to critically evaluate and discern the usefulness and relevance of the feedback we receive. Seeking feedback from trusted sources, considering multiple perspectives, and focusing on constructive input that aligns with our goals can help us make the most of feedback for our personal and professional development.

How to receive feedback

1. Make people feel safe so that they give you completely honest feedback

2. Acknowledge the feedback, the perceptions, views and suggestions

3. Receive the feedback, be open to it

4. Say thank you for it

5. Avoid defending, debating or justifying

6. Ask intelligent questions, listen and take notes

7. Acknowledge your faults

8. Consider the feedback, even when you do not want it and write it down (every word)

9. Tell the other person what you plan to do with it

10. Report back on the positives and this will help the process to continue

If you have any doubts about the relevance and accuracy of the feedback, share it with a trusted adviser.

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